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Post by Jack "Spades Slick" Noir on Jun 20, 2014 2:40:25 GMT
Spades Slick sits reclined in a lazyboy he totally did not steal from the Groundskeeper surveying his empty classroom, he looks over the burns, stains, explosives residue, and chips in the wall with fondness remembering teaching years past and how he really should probably care more about his job before he gets fired...
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Post by Deleted on Jun 20, 2014 2:45:47 GMT
Karkat Vantas sits in the back of the room, ostensibly out of the splash zone for most of the shit that gets thrown or exploded in Slick's notoriously dangerous "lessons." He's got his head in his hand and looking uncharacteristically bored for a day in Slick's class, actually greatful though for the lull. It meant there was no worry for the headmaster's alarms to be going off and an impromptu visit to happen. Again. For what was.... hmm... probably the seventh time this month? He didn't really keep count. He sighs and starts doodling in his notebook, hoping Slick would be content to just let the rest of the hour and a half go by without mishap. Maybe take a nap or something...
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Post by Jack "Spades Slick" Noir on Jun 20, 2014 3:04:46 GMT
"SO THATS WHEN I SAYS TO THE COUNTER GUY" Slick takes a giantass bite out of his apple "and remember I am fucking 18 at the time so I still look pretty young, and I says to the guy 'you stick the money in this fucking bag right now before I put your head into it' and I waved a knife right in his fucking face you know, and the guy pisses himself, Boxcars just laughed at the guy and grabbed the register and ripped it out the wall. We left after that you know because, turns out registers on the black market sell high, who knew?"
Footsteps are heard walking out in the hall so he immediately bursts up from his chair that he was leaning back in and chucks the apple in a direction, whizzing by Karkat inches away from his face. Slick whisper/shouts "EVERYBODY LOOK LIKE YOU HAVE LEARNED SOMETHING" and proceeds to erase the chalk board where he had doodled a picture of his old crew on it the class before and proceeds to right down whatever spell comes to mind. It being Imperio, when is that spell not on his mind?
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Post by Deleted on Jun 20, 2014 3:23:22 GMT
Karkat had squawked in surprise when he looked up and the apple whizzed by, exploding against the back wall and splattering him in apple guts. Honestly it was probably one of the least disgusting things he'd been sprayed with while in Slick's class. But still. "Watch where the fuck you're throwing things you old asshole! Jesus fuck you nearly gave me a black eye!" He glares at him angrily, expression remaining unchanged even when his grandfather opens the door and sweeps in, hood up and expression pleasant. It was almost always pleasant, really, even when he was angry.
His wide form blocks off the only doorway as he leans against the frame with his arms crossed, giving Slick a warm smile. "Hello, Professor Slick. I thought I'd just drop by for my routine... visit. I trust everything is in order? Mr. Vantas up there isn't giving you any trouble, is he? I heard him yelling from outside." He gives him a knowing look, already expecting him to lie. He'd gone through this routine time and time again.
Karkat scoffs in the back row, his glower turning into something less irritated at the sight of Kabnel.
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Post by Jack "Spades Slick" Noir on Jun 20, 2014 3:47:23 GMT
"What Karkat?" he turns from the rolling chalkboard and looks over at the Vantas in the back row. "Oh no, he would never do anything Kabnel, your grandson is a glorified angel". He turns back to the board and gestures to it "I'm just, ah, teaching them about Dark Arts spells and how to know when someone has been affected by them, we are on, ah" turns to the board again "Imperio".
When is he not teaching them about Imperio.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 20, 2014 3:57:41 GMT
"I see. Well, you won't mind if I sit in for the rest of the class, would you? I actually have a little free time today but I thought perhaps it would be a good time to do a touch of auditing. Teaching about the ill effects and possible counters to the Imperio again, though? Didn't you teach this specific group of students the same thing a week and a half ago? And a month before that? ... And I seem to recall you having gone over the subject for them last year as well." He smiles, walking in and shutting the door behind him to sit in one of the few empty front seats. The students all seem mildly interested in the proceedings, looking between the headmaster and their professor with something akin to mild horror.
Kabnel's visits tended to end with someone screaming, and it was never him. Things always got done, though.
He smiles placidly and gestures for him to continue the lesson."I'm sure you're sticking to the curriculum though, aren't you Professor Slicks? While I know you're fond of this lesson, perhaps your review can happen some other time. Today's lecture was meant to be on dealing with wendigos, was it not?"
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Post by Jack "Spades Slick" Noir on Jun 20, 2014 4:23:56 GMT
Shit dark creatures is not his bag. "Oh yeah those things ah..." stupid fucking headmaster asshole bothering my class making me have to fucking actual work. "Windigo's are big ole ugly fucke- err monsters, they eat people, some people think they are people gone monster from eating people or just plain old monsters" walks out to the front of the class and tries his best to not show that he is not winging it. "I mean you all have seen our Groundskeeper, you can decide eh? ehehehehe" he chuckles awkwardly and shuffles around. "To deal with them you should one, try to avoid eating people, they say they go after people that eat people for some strange ironic reason. Two, if it comes to a fight with one you should just....." he stands staring out the window for a moment "just. just. uh. STAB IT RIGHT IN THE KIDNEY!" He jabs into at the air with his wand and a flash spits from his wand and the window explodes outwardly. "....shit"
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Post by Deleted on Jun 20, 2014 4:36:26 GMT
Kabnel stares at him with his same placid smile, putting his hand in his chin and waiting expectantly. "You meant to do that, correct? And also... that isn't quite correct, Slick. You did prepare for class, didn't you? There are only a few different methods that can kill wendigos, which are notoriously difficult to kill. Class, take note as Professor Slick continues the lesson. After he fixes the window. You'll be helping me redo the wards on it as well when class is over." He says calmly, sounding far too much like the one who's asking a child to stay behind after a lesson. He doesn't even seem ruffled and didn't flinch at all when the window shattered.
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Post by Jack "Spades Slick" Noir on Jun 20, 2014 4:52:39 GMT
He takes a deep breath and regains most of his composure. "Yeah yeah Im prepared smartass" he looks at his wand and kicks some glass before pulling an empty desk out in front of the class "Alright kids lacking a better dummy than this here desk just imagine this is a wendigo. These things are tough, as our most GRACIOUS headmaster here explained, stabbing them in there nonexistent kidneys would not work. There weakness however," he stands back from the desk and with a swipe of his wand and a loud Incendio the desk bursts into flames "is fire. Any form of fire really, while you hoity toity purebloods may refuse to not use magic in these situations it should be known any kind of fire will do. Torch, lighter, flamethrower, whatever you kids have at hand."
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Post by Deleted on Jun 20, 2014 5:16:04 GMT
"Why Professor Slick, I knew you'd have an idea of what to do. And yes, children, fire is particularly effective. Alternatively, one might use weapons made of iron, silver, or steel, and lethal blows can be given to the heart and head. The more physical method is much more hazardous, however, as being in close range to a wendigo usually means you'll be taking heavy blows yourself. " He explains patiently, the students taking note once more despite the blast from the desk. "Also, it's Headmaster smartass to you, Professor Slick. Please repair the desk and then explain what sort of wards help against wendigo attacks, and the specific culture they're from." He continues, some of the students hiding giggles. Karkat smothers a laugh of his own, not really wanting to take sides and not really knowing how long it'd be before Slick snapped.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 20, 2014 23:44:36 GMT
Jade sat in the back row of the classroom next to Karkat. Usually she ignored the other student and tried to pay attention to the class. DADA was one of the classes that perplexed her. The nature of magical fighting seemed so confusing. Silver knives were okay but guns weren't? She guessed projectiles would always be an issue in the magical world, but it seemed like a gun would solve so many problems. Still, she took notes diligently (with pens, because screw quills). Sitting high up also had another advantage: staying out of the dangerzone. Most of the exploded apple ended up on Karkat and what landed on her was wiped up quickly with a napkin (purposely prepared for DADA accidents. She had another for Potion mistakes).
But as the class progressed, it seemed less about teaching students and more about the educators showing each other up. Jade glanced nervously at Karkat, who seemed to be enjoying the sight along with the rest of the class. Well, his grandfather was headmaster.
She rarely spoke to Karkat since they were in separate houses but she'd seen him. Had classes with him. Talked on occasion (mainly when sectioned off into groups for different projects since she was the go-to person for Potions...) Now was the time to talk. Just make a comment.
"How long do you think before he sets something besides a desk on fire...?" she whispered to Karkat.
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Post by Jack "Spades Slick" Noir on Jun 21, 2014 23:30:55 GMT
Slick is currently debating whether or not to set everyone on fire and be done with it. He thinks that would be a stupid idea considering he needs this job to not get found and killed by evil magical mobsters or something. Probably. Maybe he could stab them all and pay off Droog and Aza'zel to make it look like an accident.
"The wards are really complicated and mostly bullshit" he says as he now freezes the desk solid "they originate from the Inuit and Great Lakes tribes of America, like near the big bodies of water that really could be seas but for some reason they are lakes and one of them is like a finger poking that boot looking state, and another makes a state look like a glove or something. I am not good with this geometry stuff." He says, even though he spent 4 years of his life in Michigan.
He then returns to his desk and retrieves his cast iron horse shaped cane/hitcher that he keeps around and uses when he feels lazy and wants people to not make him do things because you wouldn't force a guy with a cane to do much. He then bashes the frozen ice block of desk repeatedly, unsurprisingly, it shatters into a bunch of pieces effectively ruining the desk. That would be desk number 131 that he has destroyed. He keeps count.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 22, 2014 0:01:05 GMT
Kabnel sighs, pulling out his own wand and directing it at the desk. He murmers a quick reparo charm and the desk springs back to perfect condition. "Please take note, Professor Slick. When I ask that a desk be repaired, I mean with restored to the way it was before you damaged it. A professor must be a good example to their students, and if you are having difficulties with your... aggressive nature, I'm afraid you might have to attend a... seminar." He says gently, giving him a small smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes. He doesn't quite have the sympathy Slick was hoping to invoke with the use of his cane... or rather perhaps he would have, if he hadn't gone and bashed the desk to pieces. Clearly he is not burdened by pain at the moment if he can act so lively. "An excellent response, however. And for the record, the geographical location of the state is Michigan. Now professor... may I ask you to draw an example of the ward up on the board for us?"
Karkat grunts and shushes Jade, watching the events play out with morbid fascination. It was like watching a trainwreck, honestly... and he didn't want to get singled out while his grandfather and his most lenient teacher passive aggressively took potshots at each other. "I don't know but shut the fuck up and watch. Don't draw attention to yourself if you don't want to wind up being part of some asinine audience participation thing that goes horribly wrong." He whispers, keeping his head low and voice quiet as he keeps his eyes on the front of the room.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 22, 2014 0:19:30 GMT
"Just making conversation..." Jade bit off the word 'asshole' . Cursing never made the situation better. She did her best not to sound too disappointed about the attempt at a conversation with the abrasive Gryffindor. Looks like attempts at this ice breaker wasn't going to work.
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Post by Jack "Spades Slick" Noir on Jun 22, 2014 0:43:38 GMT
And 130 desks undestroyed (he keeps a secret broken desk in his closet). Slick cringes at the word seminar, remembering the last time he was there he stabbed the guy in the gut and proceeded to attempt to usurp a minister of magic. No one knows why he got off scott-free but it is most likely a combination of Droog's meddling and his dashing wit. Mostly the wit, maybe. He rifles through his handy dandy compendium and comes across the entry on windigo's that he has scribbled all over for some reason he can't remember. Oh wait he does remember, because the book says that wards from tribes on the other side of the continent work on these things and to him that seems like horseshit. He did however scribble in a small symbol that he think he remembers being a correct ward and he proceeds to draw a intricate turtle looking symbol on the board.
"Now kids, some assholes might tell you that wards from some native tribe might work but from what I have seen most of those hacks can't tell any of the tribes apart and send you off with wards from somewhere on the wrong side of the continent. In all honesty I just know this thing is a basic protection symbol from a tribe that has to deal with theses things and is maybe probably good enough. Your best bet is to still just avoid them completely." He says as he finishes the intricate Huron turtle looking thing and backs up to admire his shitty handiwork because his hands are not known for being still tools.
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