"Well, I mean. Dave should be here by now! Karkat too! We could try to go look for them?" The buck-toothed boy smiles and adjusts Casey so that she isn't falling off his shoulder. Seriously, she needs to be more careful! If she falls and nearly gets stepped on, John is going to get in trouble since Casey tends to bite when she's scared (though he totally has a prank idea involving that reflex). Now then, to find his friends, and to look out for Dirk. Jake told him all about what happened with Dirk (several times in fact). Whether it's exaggerated or not, John isn't too sure, but he knows one thing. He wants this year to at least start smoothly for his cousin. People might say John is protective when it comes to family, and he really is. Mainly because Jake is technically his only family member (that he likes) left. Sure, his Aunt and Uncle are cool and all for muggles, but... Maybe the main reason he refuses to get close to them is because he would feel like he's replacing Dad...

    He should probably mention now (if it wasn't obvious already) that his dad is in the other world now. Before his first year of Hogwarts, John found out about his magic abilities. He kept it a secret from his dad, wanting to impress him, but the little 'show' instead set fire to the house and only John made it out alive. After that he started living with Jake, which was fun when Jake wasn't being... well, Jake! That sounded mean. Shit. Don't get him wrong, he loves Jake, but sometimes...

    Anyways! That aside, John has friends to look for! Of course be friends he means his best bro, Dave. He's known Dave since hi first year, though they didn't meet til about halfway through the year. John had pulled a prank on Dave, and Dave thought it was cool or something and fist bumped him. Obviously the prankster became determined to pull a prank that would break the "cool" kid's stupid poker face, and this year will totally be the year! John has a few more pranks up his sleeve now! He plans on making this year lots of fun! For him at least.

    Making his way onto the train, John starts to look up and down the aisles, trying to find his friend. He finally finds the car they're in, making sure they didn't see him. He hopes they didn't see him. Snickering, John slowly backs up and kneels down, pulling off his backpack. He digs into it and pulls out three small, circular items. Yes, they're all bombs. Stink, goo, and honey (he made the last two himself and even tested them on Jake). This will be perfect! He looks back at Jake and brings a finger to his lips, winking. "Shhh. You're seeing nothing! Oh, and watch my stuff."

    Pranking is not something John takes lightly, at all. He sets his things aside, putting Casey into her cage while he does this. She didn't even fight him, probably aware of what he's about to do. She's so supportive! He army crawls to the door, staying out of sight. He activates all three bombs and opens the door just enough, throwing the bombs in. Boom. Stink, green slime, and honey everywhere in the car. He knows he'll regret this, but it's so worth it. He grabs Casey and bolts into another car, ducking down to hide. He recognizes the person in the car, but John waves and shooshes them. He thinks their name is Cal. Dave is terrified of them. Shit, right. He's probably being chased. Let's see if John can avoid an untimely end and a trip to his dad!
    

Cal sat in their car, bored. No one else wanted to sit with them. They wanted to sit with Eridan but Eridan went off with Karkat and they went into a car with Strider, Hal being amongst them. Hal was still a grump so Cal had to go somewhere else for the time being. They tried to find other Slytherins to sit in a car with but they declined (loudly. and running. runningly? whatever.) so Cal was alone in the car. Cal didn't expect anyone else to come in. It seems like the passing students would rather be crammed in a car than sit with them. 

In order to pass the time, Cal decided now was a great time to paint their nails. Today's color would be hot pink. With glitter! They had just finished the left thumb when someone entered the car. Cal looked over and recognized them as....what was their name? Well, they knew them as the Egbert boy. A Griffie who was a Beater. (Heee hee. Beater.) They hadn't really talked before. He looked a bit nervous. 

"Hello, Egbert Griffie!" Cal said, smiling. "What can I do for you?" They tilted their head. "And what did you do?"

Cal did not know of other Egberts but 'Egbert Griffie' was the best way to distinguish. 

“Wheaties, man. Breakfast for champions. Wheaties floating in Muscle Milk with some Miracle Grow, a few nails, and some added honey for taste. You feast among men at the Strider residence.”

A few more short jokes and “fuck you” remarks were exchanged before the conversation switched between Karkat and Eridan. It was good to see Karkat again, Dave thought. Especially since he was even shorter than Dave now thanks to his growth spurt- maybe they can finally dress up as Gandalf and Frodo this Halloween, Dave’s been pushing that since third year.

His thought was interrupted by Roxy sliding the door open, who caught a glimpse of Hal and Lil’ Reg asleep against his own arm. “Omfg, tha’s adorable,” she said. He wonders if Hal would be happy or not that she found him to be so cute when he was sleeping. And she definitely only meant Hal was adorable, of course, Dave was manly as all hell. Who would call him adorable? No one, surely. Just a cute kid, his hedge-friend, and six feet and two inches of brawny babe sitting here. See, she probably wished her phone was around for this picturesque moment, too.

She stepped back out, gently sliding the door closed. Take notes, Vantas, that is how it’s done. Dave had hoped she was heading over to find Dirk, he worried about his twin sometimes. Dirk didn’t hurt often, or at least not like this. But whenever anything was troubling the other, Dave swore that he felt something too. It was probably stupid, he thought, maybe it was in his head. But for Dirk’s chronic and everyday strong and silent disposition to change, even if it was nearly unobservable to anyone other than himself and the alphas, it was difficult for him to watch. Right now, Dirk was different. He was lonely, he was hollow, and Dave had never felt his presence be so absent. He seemed to be fading, which scared Dave. He and his brother had never exactly been as open with one another like how most people would assume twins to be, but most of the time, no words even needed to be said to understand. Whenever the rhythm of their natural sync was disrupted, Dave noticed. He most definitely noticed.

His thought was interrupted by the sound of the door opening a bit once more. But, hold up, it only opened a few inches before it was quickly shut again. No one was standing at the door either. He sat up gently but swiftly, careful not to jostle Hal too much. Oh holy shit, it smelled so badly. Like a stink bomb or something. Why would it smell li- John. Oh no. Dave knew what was coming next, but before he could flashstep out, he was covered in a messy substance, as was the rest of the compartment and its inhabitants. It was… Honey. Guess it really fits more on a man rather than for a man in his Wheaties. Oh, the irony.

Hal had burst out the door, and Dave wasn’t sure whether to let him go or hold him back. Maybe he’ll do both. The sticky shit is even in his hair, ugh. Fuck it, Egbert’s going down. With this, Dave stood, removed his disgraced shades, and had Jake take Goliath from his pocket for safe keeping. He stalked down the aisles, but found the culprit with ease when he spotted Hal standing at the door’s entrance, wand pointed at a drenched John. He put his hand on Hal’s shoulder, sliding past him into what looked to be Cal’s compartment, “Hold up dude, can’t kill him yet, w- … Woah wait a minute. I see your arms movin’, but…are your legs locked?” Dave’s hard stare slowly melted into a grin, which looked about ten times more sinister than it ever should have been, thanks to his red eyes actually exposed. “Did.. Did Hal monument you, bro? You stuck? You look like Lady Liberty after she took a dip in the New York Harbor. What a fuckin’ neoclassical mess, man.” Dave eyed John, taking notice of odd, spherical shapes that were showing through his drenched pants pocket. Huh. Wonder what those are.

Dave held out his wand. “Incarcerous!” Immediately, ropes appeared out of thin air, holding John’s arms in place to match the lack of movement in his legs. Can’t have John swingin’ at him, now. The tall blond slid over smoothly, reaching into John’s pocket and pulling out a honey bomb. “Well Egbert, this is quite the predicament we’re in. I don’t have my shades, my hair looks like Dirk’s if it was going through a severe Dragon Ball Z inspired weeb phase, and now I needa call Kenny Loggins because it looks like I’m back in the danger zone again.” He his wand that was now directed at the bomb that was just begging to be activated, “Warned you about pranks, bro. Now, guess who’s doing my hell-week exercises for me during quidditch practice, or else this is going straight down the front of your pants.” Did Dave mean it? Nah. But the dude was tired and covered in honey. It was just one of those kinds of mornings.

Karkat had figured the door being open and shut so quickly was just another student looking for a group of friends or an empty carriage or whatever, and had been distracted by the big feathery birdbrain trying to keep gouging holes in his scalp while he traded owl stories with Eridan – his never flattering, to Dumass’s displeasure – to realize what had just happened, and so both bird and boy both took the full brunt of the blast. Both their faces twisted in disgust at the scent permeating their carriage now, though the wretched sensation of being covered in… sticky goo, for lack of a better term, certainly had something to do with their horror. A great welling rage was brewing inside Karkat, his fists clenching and his one open eye- the other glued shut by honey and whatever the other substance was- had begun to twitch violently in time with the vein standing out in his neck, throbbing as a testament to his rise in blood pressure. His face darkening moment by moment, neither he nor Dumass reacted as they sat and let their fury turn into a boiling hot wrath. The pain in his scalp from Dumass digging his claws back in habitually only made him angrier, the bird hissing lowly as it tried to flex its wings when its feathers were glued together painfully. Its hissing grows louder, Karkat’s familiar reflecting his steadily deeper growl as he finally pries himself from his seat.

He stands and turns to face the door, both Striders having long since run out to chase down the vapid whimsical scumbag that did this. He’s too angry right now to hold his wand steady, let alone scourgify himself, but he’d rather John – who else could it be, after all –get a good long look at what he did while he screamed at him. Maybe he’d rub some of this shit on him a little, like rubbing a particularly stupid dog’s face in its mess while you let it know you do NOT appreciate what it did.

He knows he looks ridiculous. Of course he does. He’s covered in what looks like a bear’s love spooge and his owl is still gripping his head tight, eyes glaring just as red as his own and looking down hatefully at the younger years as they pass. The ONE and ONLY benefit to his current state is that his scent – and the look on his face right now – is what’s keeping people out of his fucking path while he hunts the others down. He’s holding his breath right now, and it’s the only thing keeping him from breathing in his own stench and keeping him from screaming himself raw before he gets to John. The lack of air makes the red of his face and the twitching even worse, but he makes it to the cabin with the others just before he’s in danger of turning purple.

Stomping up to where he’s sure the other Striders have the perpetrator cornered, he stands behind Hal in the doorway and finally gasps for breath, taking in one deep pull of air before screaming at the top of his lungs. It’s just a scream. There are no words. A long, ear piercing shriek of pure animosity aimed entirely at John Egbert’s currently soaked form. He thankfully does not pop a blood vessel in his eye like the last time this happened, though from the way the vein in his neck is throbbing it looks like a near thing. By the time the scream dies out, he’s panting for air but he only gives a moment, no more, before he sucks in another deep breath and points at the prone prankster with a short, stubby finger and shakes it menacingly.

“JOHN FUCKING EGBERT, THIS IS YOUR ONE-DAY EXECUTIONER SPEAKING!! LISTEN UP, YOU ASSGRABBING WHIMSICAL WATERY PIECE OF FAIRY EXCREMENT!! I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EVER – EVER!! –DO THAT AGAIN, I AM GOING TO PROJECTILE VOMIT A SLEW OF RAGE SO FUCKING CONCENTRATED IT TURNS INTO A FETID GOD DAMNED HATEGHEIST THAT STINKS WORSE THAN YOUR HEINOUS MIXTURE OF HONEY AND WHATEVER THE FUCK THIS IS AND WATCH AS IT SLITHERS DOWN YOUR THROAT TO STRANGLE YOU WITH TEN TIMES THE PUNGENT SINUS RAPING ODOR THAT I AM SURE RIVALS THE STINK OF YOUR VERY BREATH!! HOW DO YOU GET OUT OF YOUR BED IN THE MORNING KNOWING YOU ARE THE ABSOLUTE WORST THING A UNIVERSE HAS EVER BEEN RESPONSIBLE FOR!? HERE I THOUGHT I WOULD GET TO FUCKING RELAX AT LEAST THE FIRST VILE DAY OF MY UNDOUBTEDLY AWFUL YEAR AT SCHOOL WITH YOU IN ALL MY CLASSES ONCE MORE, BUT HERE WE ARE JOHN! HERE WE ARE AND YOU, YOU DICKCRUMPET BARF PUPPET, HAVE ALREADY MANAGED TO GIVE ME A FUCKING HERNIA!! LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO MY FEATHERY ASSHOLE!! LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO ME! LOOK YOU SIGHTLESS, BRAINLESS DICKMONGERING FACESITTING RAZZMATAZ OF GO FUCK YOURSELF IN THE ASS!! HNNGGHHHHAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!”

He finally has to stop screaming, leaning over as he pants hard, getting a bit dizzy from both the fumes and the lack of air going to his brains and lungs. It is VERY clear he’d continue if he had the capacity. Dumass shifts angrily when he leans over, still glaring hatefully at everything and trying fruitlessly to groom the honey and goo out of his feathers.

Cal had sat through the entire thing silent, watching everyone go through their dances. There were times they loved being a marionette - watching everyone move about on their own unseen and colorful strings. The Strider strings were the best in their opinion. Always bouncing and jerking around here and there, saying the best things. that was why Striders were so much fun to pester with. They were entertaining with their reactions, even if they ignored Cal. 

But now Cal was delighted! They had a full display of Striders and now the Egbert at their best and wittiest. Cal didn't know much about Egbert but they liked what they were saying. Such use of puns and sarcasm. Cal's grin grew as he listened in, sitting statuesque even as they felt the afterspray of water hitting Egbert. And at the end of Egbert's spiel, they began to laugh. Loud and chattering like any marionette. The unique laughter bounced off the walls.

"Hee hee! This is too much!" Cal laughed.   

Cal made their decision then and there: they would have to learn more about the funny Egbert and their amusing pranks. They only hoped they could be just as masterful at them. 

Once the spell finally ceased, Hal continued to brandish his wand at the now-soaked Egbert; he wasn’t quite sure if he was done with the little prick yet. Especially with that a mouth he had, he was just asking for more. Could his retorts be worse? Unimpressed, Hal rolled his eyes, glancing over to his brother as he entered the cabin, mildly surprised by the malicious grin he held. The youngest Strider’s eyebrow raised in silent question while he watched Dave continue and John try and keep it cool, a bit of brotherly pride welling in his when he threatened their offender with his own weapon. Bless Dave’s heart, Hal knew he’d never do it, but it was brilliant all the same. Besides, he enjoyed the blatant worry in John’s eyes, it was truly a sight to behol--

And now his ears were bleeding. He legitimately flinched a tad when Karkat quite literally erupted behind him, eyes closing with a mild crease of irritation in his brow, but he did appreciate the other’s sentiments and creative wording. Hal should have taken notes. Not to say it wasn’t a relief to threatening headache at the edges of his mind when he finally stopped, although Cal’s piercing screech of what he seemed to consider laughter set his teeth on edge. See, this was the kind of shit that had made Hal not want to get up that morning.

Aw, did John want to be set free? A tempting offer, but Hal’s vengeful streak wasn’t yet satisfied…

Damn it. The knowing glare being sent his way by his dumb brother seemed well aware of his train of thought, and he gave a soft melodramatic sigh. Fine. Egbert lived to see another day. Begrudgingly, he mumbled “Finite,” under his breath, setting John completely free, although he fully intended to subdue him with his withering glower. He shot back a stare to Dave as he lowered his wand, taking a miniscule step back. “He’s lucky you’re here, you know. Keep a better eye on your pets.”

John really had no idea what wrath he’d subjected himself to.